The Problem With Parents
by Captain LeBubbles
Summary: Few of them could say they had stable families. Some parents are inattentive, some are lost, and some are simply AWOL. It's a shared weakness, and one mutant wants to exploit it... Of course, if was never going to be that simple, not with them involved.
1. Never Let a Bad Idea Go

**The Problem With Parents, or How Mastermind Got His Groove Back**

**By- The Bubbles**

**Summary- Mags and Mysti just want to be good parents. They want to put the past behind them. They want to switch children… wait, what? Well it made sense when they first heard it. Set after PMIoP but isn't the sequel.**

**Disclaimer- "I'm gonna go do evil things now, like take over the world! And litter!"**

**A/N- This story is the winner of the vote, so it will be posted while Adventure on Ploog will wait until later. So, yeah, on with the show!**

**I've decided to briefly move away from the Pyro-centric stories and write about some other characters. So I decided to write about my other favorite occurrence of the X-Men fandom, and that is Mystique and Magneto's various failed attempts at being good parents. Graydon and Lorna **_**will**_** be in this story, only Evo-tized, and their personalities will be Evo-tized as well. I'll give you more on this when they come in. This story also sees the return of Ace, though slightly different than the version in PMIoP, as well as the introduction of Doc Skylar, who was mentioned once or twice in my stories but never showed up.**

**(o.o.o)**

Bubbles looked up from her video game when a stack of papers landed on her desk in front of her.

"One of these days I will get Internet access that works across dimensions. Oh well. Until then, I'll just have to keep on with this archaic plothole transmission method."

She picked up the stack of papers and dropped them when she got a paper cut. She sucked on her finger angrily.

"On second thought… Tech!" she yelled. "If you don't find a way to email between 'verses you're fired!"

"Talking to yourself again?" Snap appeared on the chandelier with a woff. "You know that's the first sign that your sanity is leaving, don't you?"

"Sanity is the sign of an unused mind," Bubbles mumbled. She put a band-aid on her paper cut. "Besides, it's Doc's fault. If she didn't insist on writing such long reports about her patients, it wouldn't be such a big deal." She handed the monkey girl a folder. "Now take those to Tech and tell him to get a move on."

"Righty-ho!" Snap saluted with her tail before snapping her fingers and disappearing with a woff.

Bubbles rolled her eyes and picked up the papers again. "All right, Doc, let's see what you've got."

**(o.o.o)**

On a bright and sunny day in Bayville, a gathering was happening at the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters, or whatever they were calling that place this week. There were many people present, including every member of the X-Men, Brotherhood, and former Acolytes. Also present were several unaffiliated mutants and humans, some of them pulled off of the street at random. Some were present because they were involved with the goings-on of the past seven days, others were there because they were curious as to the reason for the gathering, and still others were there because they lived at the mansion and refused to leave as long as their enemies were present. Some people were there for no reason whatsoever, like the person whose name was Cain Marko, but was affectionately referred to as The Juggernaut.

More on that later.

This gathering was not a party, nor was it an attempt to work together for the good of all. This gathering was called by one Doctor Kayla Skylar to get to the bottom of one of the problems plaguing several of her patients.

Doc Skylar looked to many of those present like a being known to them as The Bubbles, with the exception of her hair and clothing. It was this resemblance and nothing else that made many of them frightened. After all, the last person to cross The Bubbles was Sabretooth, and according to the rumors, he'd found himself in the middle of a strip mall in Kansas City with no powers and a kick me sign on his back.

The good doctor was currently pacing in front of the gathering, her bare feet making soft whaff-whaff sounds on the lush carpeting of the lounge. Sitting on the pool table behind her was a being known as Ace, who was swinging her legs back and forth. She had a laptop on her lap and was typing a list of those present. After some time, she got Doc Skylar's attention and indicated that she had finished her list. The Doc nodded, and proceeded to get the attention of those gathered.

"All right everybody, listen up!"

Those who were not already following Doc Skylar's movements closely immediately began to do so.

"Now then. You are all here because you are somehow involved with the events of the past seven days."

From his position on the wall, the person known as Scott Summers said something through the duct tape over his mouth. Though it was unclear what he said, it was quite clear that it was rude. Doc Skylar tut-tutted and waggled a finger at him.

"Now, now, that isn't going to get you off the wall anytime soon, now is it? Besides, Acey went through all that trouble getting you up there; it hardly seems fair to undo all that hard work so soon."

He said something else, which was much ruder than before.

"Why of _course_ I'll let you down. Eventually." She turned to the group in general. "Where was I? Oh yes. First, I want to know exactly what happened during the last seven days. Magneto. Why don't you start us off?"

She turned to a man with white hair. He was wearing a billowy cape over a white collared shirt and slacks. He had been wearing a helmet when he arrived, but Ace had taken it away from him on the grounds that it made him look like a dork. It was now sitting beside her on the pool table. She was using it to hold her soda.

He would have simply taken the helmet back from her, were it not for two simple facts. One, he was wearing a Genosha collar, and two, he was duct taped to his chair. He shot one last glare at Ace before clearing his throat and speaking.

"I would stand up to address you all, if I were not tied to a chair."

"Get on with it, Mags," Doc Skylar said warningly.

"Well, I hardly know where to begin."

"The beginning is always nice," she said sweetly.

"Yes, but where exactly did this story begin? Did it begin with Mystique and me last week, or long before that with Mystique and Wanda? Or before that with- Ow!" He looked around to see what had hit him. A glowing marble sat near his feet. It exploded with a puff of smoke as he looked on. "What the heck was that?"

"That was Ace." Everyone in the room all looked at Ace. She waved. "She's going to do that if anyone gets off topic or starts rambling. Begin with last week. If we have to back up, we will."

"All right," he grumbled. "Can you at least un-tape me?"

"Sorry but you're a flight risk. Now get on with it."

He took a deep breath and began to tell his story. On the pool table, Ace was typing furiously every word he said.

"My story begins last week. Mysti and I were on our way to the Institute to see our children…"

**(o.o.o)**

"I don't get it, Magnus. Why are we doing this?"

"You want to get closer to Kurt and Rogue, don't you?"

"You know I do."

"And I want to get closer to Pietro and Wanda. That's why we're doing this."

"Yes, but why _this_? It doesn't make any sense."

"You heard the Doc."

"Yes, I heard her. And her explanation made perfect sense when she told us. But the more I think about it, the less I see the logic behind it."

"That's because you don't have a degree in mutant psychology."

"Neither does she."

"You know, that's a very valid point."

**(o.o.o)**

"Okay, that's enough of that!" Doc Skylar interrupted his narration. "I already know why you were doing that. Why don't you just skip forward to when you got to the mansion?"

Magneto and Mystique exchanged smug looks. So they were right!

"We arrived at the mansion some time later. Our children had been told to meet us there because the other option was the Brotherhood house, which is essentially a dump and should have been condemned a long time ago."

"Hey!" Lance interrupted. "You're the ones with your names on the lease! Why don't you use some of that Nazi gold of yours to knock it down and build a new one?"

"For the last time, Rockslide, I don't have any Nazi gold!"

"That's _Avalanche_, Bucket-Head."

"All right, that's enough, both of you." Doc Skylar glared at Ace, who had been typing the entire exchange. "Lance, go back to your seat. Magneto, get on with the story."

"Thank you. As I was saying, we pulled into the Institute to meet out children…"

**(o.o.o)**

Magneto pulled his convertible up next to the fountain, where sat the mutants known as Rogue, Kurt, Pietro, and Wanda. They had been told to meet their parents at the Institute, and agreed rather reluctantly due to (literal) prodding from Kurt. They were sitting or standing around the fountain in different levels of disdain and annoyance, except for Kurt, the only one who actually wanted a good relationship with his respective parent. This was most likely because he had a stable relationship with his foster parents, unlike the others.

Yes. That was why. At least, that's what Doc Skylar concluded when she heard the details of the situation.

The two parents got out of the car and stood in front of their collective of ungrateful spawn. Their collective of ungrateful spawn stared at them until they became quite uncomfortable.

An interesting thing to note is that while they had requested privacy, they had not been given any. Several X-Men were obviously hiding in various spots around the grounds. They could clearly see Wolverine sitting on the front steps, sharpening his claws on a whetstone. Cyclops was pressed against the wall of the manor, peering around the corner at them, and a nearby bush was whispering to itself.

**(o.o.o)**

"Wait a minute, how can a bush whisper to itself? Was it a mutant bush? And why was it talking to itself? Was it crazy?"

"It was a metaphor, you strange little person," Magneto explained. "Now can I please return to my story?"

"Yes, please do," Doc Skylar said. "And can we please cut down on the interruptions? They're getting annoying."

**(o.o.o)**

"What is it ya'll want?" Rogue asked, getting straight to the point. It looked like the four had come to some sort of agreement.

"Put simply, we want to form a lasting bond with our children," Mystique answered. "Our psychiatrist has given us a suggestion. We want to try it out."

They all looked at each other, trying to decide what to do. Wanda elected herself spokesperson.

"What do you want to do? It's not another bonding day is it?"

Mystique and Magneto exchanged a look.

"Well it is, sort of…" Magneto said. "Though you will actually be switching parents with each other."

There was a collective stare.

"Allow me, Erik. What he's trying to say," Mystique explained, "is that he will spend the day with Rogue and Kurt, while I will spend the day with Pietro and Wanda."

"Ah don't get it."

"Where in the world did you two get such a whack idea?"

"Come on, Dad, that's bogus!"

"You mean like a mother or something?"

They all looked at Wanda, then at the adults. Pietro spoke first.

"That is what you're doing! You're trying to get us to look at the other one like a parent! What gives? You two gettin' hitched or somethin'?"

The parents eyed each other, no doubt trying to think of the consequences of such a thing. Their answer was a simultaneous 'No!' that nearly knocked the children into the fountain. Nearby, the bush laughed and said something about paying up.

"You still haven't told us where you got the idea from," Rogue reminded them.

"It was from our psychiatrist. She said… something about looking at it from your view or starting afresh or… oh, I don't know. It made sense when she explained it." Magneto threw his hands up in exasperation. "Let's just do this, okay?"

He swept his cape towards the car. Yes, that's right, even though he is wearing civvies, he still has on the cape and bucket. Why? Don't really know. Well, presumably the helmet is because he doesn't like it when Xavier reads his mind and because he's more paranoid than Foaly, but the cape… your guess is as good as mine.

Rogue and Kurt looked at each other and shrugged. Hey, it beat vegging out and watching the Princess Bride with Kitty for the millionth time. Besides, Magneto had one sweet ride.

"Shotgun!" Kurt yelled.

He disappeared in a flash of smoke and brimstone and reappeared in the front seat. Grumbling, Rogue hopped over to the backseat while Magneto levitated himself into the driver's seat.

"Oh well," Rogue said as she spread her arms out. "At least back here Ah got room to stretch out."

"We'll all meet up for dinner tonight and exchange notes," Magneto was saying. "How about that new restaurant that's just opened up around seven?"

"That'll work." Mystique scribbled down the address on a scrap of paper. "And this time, if you're going to be late, call."

"Oh, for crying out loud, Mystique, that was six years ago. You just aren't going to let that go, are you?"

"You still haven't made that up, you know."

Magneto sighed. "Fine, we'll do lunch tomorrow. Come along children." He spun his wheels on his way out the gate. "Let's go have some fun!"

**(o.o.o)**

"We never did have lunch that day, Magnus."

"Oh, come off it, Raven! You know as well as I do that it would have been rather difficult thanks to _him_."

He nodded in the direction of a scruffy looking young man of about twenty. The man, like Magneto, had been deemed a flight risk. He had been put in a halter like those that parents sometimes put on their children, and the other end was held securely in Sabretooth's hand- in other words, he wasn't going anywhere.

"Hey, don't look at _me_, you mutant freak. _I_ was just following orders."

His use of the phrase mutant freak elicited an angry response from much of the room. Those who hadn't been duct taped to their chairs or the walls jumped up angrily, and immediately collapsed back to the floor, clutching at the Genosha collars Ace had put them in.

"Nice work, Ace," Doc Skylar congratulated. "Suddenly I'm glad you decided to deem everyone a flight risk. Say, where'd you get those collars, anyway?"

"Oh, I know a guy," Ace said innocently.

_(In a warehouse on Genosha)_

"Ok, I _know_ I had a whole warehouse full of collars for you sir. I don't know where they could have gone."

"Well _find_ them, or get started on a new batch. I want those collars!"

_(And back to the Institute.)_

"Anyway, I figured that with so many enemies and rivals in one room we needed a little extra security."

"Excellent. You know, you are turning out to be one able assistant."

Ace beamed. Her tail wagged furiously. "We should probably get back to the story now."

"You're right." She turned back to the group. "All right, Magneto. I'm tired of listening to you. Uh… Mystique! Why don't you go next?"

"All right then." Mystique stood up. Unlike Magneto, she was not wearing a collar, nor was she duct taped to anything. "Where to start?" There was a collective groan of 'Not this again!' She glared. "Well, about the time Magneto left, Wanda, Pietro and I decided to have a look around the mansion."

"Even though you don't actually _live _here," Wolverine said. Like Mystique, he was not deemed a flight risk (he's not going anywhere as long as Sabretooth is there) and was sitting backwards in a wooden chair a few feet away. "You weren't invited in, either."

"Can it, you." She stuck her tongue put at him, and he returned suit. Xavier sighed at their immaturity. "As I was saying, we decided to have a look around…"

**(o.o.o)**

"This isn't so bad," Pietro said. "It's just like normal for us; I mean, we all live in the same house already."

"Yes, but we don't actually 'bond' or anything at the boarding house," Wanda replied. "Usually we just sit around watching TV. Why are we here at the mansion, anyway? It's fairly obvious we're not welcomed here."

She was not far from the mark. While most of those students who had not left were elsewhere on the grounds, ignoring their guests, Logan was walking a few feet behind them. He quirked an eyebrow when the three of them glared at him.

"What?"

"ANYway," Mystique said as they resumed walking, "We are here because I wish to see the sort of conditions that my children live in and none of them have ever offered me a tour of their home."

"Probably cause the last time ya were here, ya nearly took out half their friends," Logan growled softly. Mystique ignored him.

"Pietro, you've been here when delivering messages before. Do you know where their rooms are?"

"Sure, Boss-Lady, but aren't you supposed to be bonding with _us_ right now?"

"Pietro, no, ix-nay!" Wanda made a slashing motion across her throat but it was too late. Mystique burst into tears. "Well, great. Thanks a lot."

"You're right! I'm a t-t-te-_terrible_ mother-her-her!"

"Shh, there, there, it's okay." Wanda patted Mystique's back comfortingly, employing methods occasionally used by the doctors at the asylum when she got mopy about being abandoned. "It'll be okay, we'll help you become a good mother." She elbowed her twin. "_Won't we, _Pietro?"

"What? Oh, yeah! Of course we will."

"I am afraid, Dear Mother, that there is no hope for you." From behind the door stepped a young man with scruffy brown hair and a gun pointed right at them. He had an FOH armband on, and a manic glint in his eyes. "You know who I am?"

Mystique peered at the young man curiously. He certainly looked familiar. And then it hit her!

"You're that nice boy who used to deliver pizzas to the boarding house, aren't you?"

The man slapped his forehead in exasperation. "No, I'm not the pizza delivery boy! Don't you even recognize me?"

Logan, meanwhile, was advancing on the man with his claws out. Pietro and Wanda were standing behind him in the hope that the man with the healing powers would protect them from the man with the gun in the event that he decided to fire. Mystique was still peering at him, trying to figure out where she'd seen him before.

"Look, pal, I don't know who you are, but I do know that you're standin' in my home holdin' a gun, _and_ that you stink like a Creed, so you got three seconds to convince me not to cut you a new navel."

"Wait, Creed?" Mystique had finally pinned his face. "Graydon, my baby, is that you?"

"It's about time you recognized me! Her firstborn son and Rambo over there has to be the one to remind her who I am." He indicated Wolverine, who growled.

"You've got _another_ kid?" Wanda asked. "And you didn't even recognize him? What kind of mother are you not to recognize your own son?"

"Thank you!" Graydon said. He waved his arms towards them. _"They_ get it!"

"Well I haven't _seen_ you in almost twenty years. You were just a baby when I left."

"She left you when you were just a baby?" Wanda looked appalled. "And I thought our father was bad."

"Just try being raised by Sabretooth. His idea of children's television is watching large animals get eaten by larger animals on the Discovery Channel."

**(o.o.o)**

"Hey, it was educational!" Sabretooth had interrupted Mystique's narration. "Besides, what was I supposed to do? We only had three channels and you were too afraid of Big Bird to watch Sesame Street."

"You were afraid of Big Bird but not watching animals get mauled?" Kitty shuddered. "You've got, like, _serious_ priority issues."

"Hey!" Ace threw a marble at her. "Big Bird was _creepy_, okay?" Kitty rubbed her arm and glared at the scribe. "Besides, none of those animals coulda held a candle to Sabretooth."

"That is true," Creed conceded, slightly flattered. "One thing that's been bothering me, though. How in the world did you get all the way into the mansion _and_ that close to Wolverine without him smellin' ya? Of course, _I_ coulda done it, easy," he ignored the snort of disbelief from Wolverine, "But you, having no powers…"

"Oh, here we go again, 'Oh, woe is me, my son is a human.' Geez, Dad, no wonder I'm so screwed up." He crossed his arms and turned away with a huff.

Doc Skylar quirked an eyebrow. "Y'know, I've been wondering that same thing."

Graydon looked a bit uncomfortable. "Well, actually…"

**(o.o.o)**

A/N- Ha! Cliffhanger! Okay, so it's not a complete cliffie. I just needed to end the chapter before it got too long. And look, I said I liked the Mysti Mags parenting thing, but they're not exactly parents of the year or anything… or week, for that matter. So, how're Rogue and Kurt gonna react to having another brother? How did Graydon get in without Wolverine's knowledge? Will Mystique ever be a good mother? Will Wanda side with Graydon? Why do I ask you?

**Er… yeah. I hadn't planned on introducing Graydon until the **_**next**_** chapter, but he kinda snuck into this one. In case you don't know, Graydon Creed is Mystique and Sabretooth's son. The Evotized version of him that I've just done is about twenty or twenty-one, and yes, he is still a member of The Friends of Humanity, he still hates all mutants especially his parents, and he was raised by Sabretooth because Mystique walked out on him when he was a baby. He is quite insane, but that goes without saying. **

**So review! And I'm taking requests! Tell me what you wanna see and I'll do my best to put it in! (Except Mygneto. I refuse to write that.)**


	2. Codename: Squid

**Problem With Parents, or How Mastermind Got His Groove Back**

**By- The Bubbles**

**Summary- Mags and Mysti just want to be good parents. They want to put the past behind them. They want to switch children… wait, what? Well it made sense when they first heard it. Set after PMIoP but isn't the sequel.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own.**

**A/N- Thanks to blazestryker for the creosote sap suggestion.**

**Notes- I'm a little fidgety about this chapter (and the next) because very little plotwise actually occurs. Unfortunately, I need to get everyone in place before the real story can start happening, otherwise, a lot won't make sense. The story is moving kind of slow right now, but it will pick up, I promise. (You may also notice that I changed the full title. I'm honestly a little surprised it took me two years to realize I had written the wrong name.)**

**(*o*o*o)**

Graydon fidgeted a little. All eyes were on him, waiting for him to tell how he'd gotten into the mansion undetected. They thought it would be something spectacular; in truth, he'd just gotten lucky. He'd learned a long time ago that luck was essential when dealing with someone who could destroy you with a single thought.

Finally, he stood and walked as far away from his father as the halter would allow. He cleared his throat and began speaking to the assembled mutants and humans.

"My begins seven days ago. You see, I am a member of the Friends of Humanity; at least, I was until the Council got wind of my disgusting secret and kicked me out."

Doc Skylar rolled her eyes at this outburst.

"Get on with the story, ya non-mutant mutant freak."

He sighed, and amid choruses of 'Huh? How does that work?' from those present, continued with his story.

**(*o*o*o)**

Creed stirred as he was shaken awake by the rough hands of his large and rather frightening fellow FoH member Hugh Newman. Around him, he could hear humming, suggesting they were on a plane or something.

"Hey! Wake up, Mudblood."

"Mudblood?" he asked groggily. "Can't you come up with a more original insult instead of ripping off some British woman? Besides, you've got it backwards; I'm normal while my parents are freaks, so you should be calling me a squib." He paused, clutching his head, and seemed to realize that he had all but admitted to reading children's books. "At least, that's what those little mutant brats in the holding cells told me told me," he added.

"Look," Hugh said, "I don't care if you're a mudblood or a squid or even a circus performer, as far as I'm concerned, you're just another mutant freak who tried to pass yourself off as normal."

"I emam/em normal, you lummox," he said, trying to clear his head. The fact that the man he was calling lummox was a good foot taller than him and looked like a contestant in the Mister Universe competition did not seem to deter him in the least. "It's my parents who are freaks. And don't think I have any loyalties to them either. I hate them as much as any other mutant; more so, in fact."

"Well, lucky you, Creed. Seems the Council believes you. They're gonna give you the chance to prove it."

"What are you talking about?"

"Look out there."

Creed leaned over and peered through the plane hatch. Below them, they could see a large building. It looked familiar; after a moment Creed properly identified it as that freak school where all those freaks lived.

"What are we doing here, Newman?"

Newman smirked. "Getting cold feet, eh, mutie?" He laughed. "The Council has been doing some research on your family. They've found out some things."

He tossed a folder at the young man. Creed opened it and read through the papers inside. As he did, his eyes grew wide.

"No! But- this can't be true!"

Newman laughed and put his face real close to Graydon's. "It is true, scum. And the council have decided that you must eliminate all of them before you are allowed to resume your position as a member of the Friends of Humanity."

Creed scowled. "Hey, Nimrod, how am I supposed to get in? These freaks have the best security system in the world, not to mention a hairy Canadian with super senses to guard the place."

Newman continued to laugh wickedly. "Well, mutie, we've already thought of that. Our techs have reported that the system has been turned off. And as for the super senses… well…" He pushed Creed backwards into a vat of some foul smelling oozing stuff. He coughed and choked as the pungent smell assaulted his nostrils.

"What is wrong with you? What is this nasty stuff, anyway?"

"Creosote bush sap. It'll mask your scent." He yanked Creed from the vat and shoved a parachute and a gun into his hands. "Here. Now get going."

Creed had barely put the chute on before Hugh had shoved him out the hatch. He screamed and flailed around in midair for a while, fumbling for the ripcord. There was a panicky moment when the chute didn't release that he was sure they'd given him a faulty one, but it was a false alarm. The parachute flew from it's casing, and Creed breathed a sigh a relief.

He touched down a few minutes later, glad to be back on solid ground again. He was a few feet away from a side entrance; it was the work of a moment to hop the fence. Once over, he waited quietly for some indication that he'd been spotted. None came, and he crept toward the mansion under whatever cover he found.

He spotted his targets coming out of the mansion just as he was coming up to it. He climbed hastily into a tree before he was spotted, following their progress as best as he could using the trees.

"I dunno, Kurt," the girl was saying. "I mean, I know she's been trying, but I'm still not quite ready to forgive her yet. She really hurt us bad, and she's not exactly been doing a good job of repairin' tha damage."

"I know," the boy replied. Creed wrinkled his nose at the sight. The boy was _blue_ and _fuzzy_. One of the freakier freaks. "But she _is_ trying, they both are. Just give her a chance. For me?" He gave the girl a pleading look. She sighed.

"Oh, all rahght. For _you_. But if she takes us to Chuk-E-Cheez again, I'm out."

"Agreed."

Creed took a deep breath and shouldered his rifle. According to files, the fuzzy blue one was a teleporter, and could escape more easily than the girl. He would have to be taken out first.

...Although, on the other hand, the girl could knock someone out and absorb their memories and abilities with a single touch. If she got too close, the whole plan would be in jeopardy. Maybe he should take her out first?

He sighed. He would have to get them separately. In the meantime, a car was pulling into the driveway of the mansion, and there was a familiar blue face in the passenger seat. He clenched his fist angrily. What was she doing here? What... was that what the two mutant freaks had been talking about? She was... she was trying to bond with them?

The freak with the claws looked up curiously and sniffed the yard when he heard Creed's snarl, but apparently the creosote sap had done it's job and he went back to pointedly sharpening his claws. Creed breathed a sigh of relief. Hopefully, the man wouldn't try searching out the source of the sound.

Creed was just close enough to listen to the conversation between his targets and the other mutants they were meeting- one he recognized as Magneto, and two others that were probably just as freaky as the other freaks. Apparently, they wanted to repair their relationship with their children, or something. He suppressed a laugh- if only she knew what one of her children had in store for her, she might not be so keen.

He let his two targets go when they left, and opted to follow Mystique instead. He would take out the other two later, when they didn't have that magnet freak around, but for the moment, it was time for a reunion with his dear mother...

**(*o*o*o)**

"I'ma stop you there, Creed," Doc Skylar butt in. "We all know what happened next, and anyway, your constant use of the word freak is making everyone bristle." She jabbed a finger in Kurt's direction. "Your little brother over there is starting to look like a blue porcupine."

Graydon sneered. "What's the matter, _Baby Brother_? Can't handle the fact that you're a freak?"

Kurt laughed haughtily. "I vould vatch who I vas calling a freak, _Bruder_," he said. "_I'm_ not the one vith _Sabretooth's_ DNA." (1)

"Why you..." Creed snarled again and made as though to tackle Kurt, but was brought down hard by Sabretooth pulling on his leash. He grumbled quietly to himself, but his pride was sufficiently wounded that he didn't get back up. The Doc breathed a sigh of relief.

"All right, that's enough of that. Why don't we hear from someone else? I'd like to know what happened with the three of you after you left with Magneto. Rogue?"

"Um, all right." Rogue stood. "Well uh, after me and Kurt left with Magneto, he decided to take us out to lunch.

**(o*o*o)**

Kurt leaned back in his seat and grinned at the feeling of the wind whipping through his fur. "Thees car is _amazing_, Magneto!" he whooped. "Can we go faster? Ooooh, I bet she could even outrun Pietro!"

"I wouldn't know," Magneto said. "I've never tried."

"Was?"

"Kurt, I'm going to pass on a little advice to you," he said, adopting a more fatherly tone. It was slightly alarming. "You see, a good car is like a good woman. If you treat her right, she will always take care of you. But if you treat her wrong, she'll fall apart early and you'll have to sell her for scrap long before her time. Do you understand?"

"Eh..." Kurt shrugged. "Vere are ve going, anyvay?"

"I thought I might take the two of you out for lunch. Is there anywhere you would like to go?"

Rogue shrugged. "Ah don't care. How about that Italian place? The one that just opened up a few weeks ago down Baker Street?"

Kurt agreed, and ten minutes later they pulled into the driveway.

"Hello, and welcome to Bombo's," greeted a cheerful waitress when they walked in. "My name is Asso, I'll be serving you this evening. Where would you like to sit?" (2)

"Ehh. Ah, a window will be fine." Magneto peered curiously at the girl. "You look quite familiar, miss. Have we met?"

"Nope, never," she replied cheerfully. "Right this way, please."

Gambit arrived halfway through their meal. To be honest, Rogue was a little surprised he'd taken so long. Usually, he turned up much quicker.

"Hello, _Cherie_," he said casually, as though they'd just met on the street. He took her hand and kissed it, then turned to Kurt and Magneto. "Boss. Cherie's brother."

"I have a name, you know," Kurt said crossly. Gambit smirked.

"I know." He slid into the seat next to Rogue, never taking his eyes from her, his most winning smile in place. "What you say, Cherie? Want to abandon Fluffy and de boss and go find somet'in-" He stopped, midsentence, and did a double-take to Magneto. "Boss? What are you doing here?"

"Mystique and I have swapped children for the day. I told you this just this morning. Weren't just paying attention?"

"Eh, no."

"Gambit, am I to take it that you are attracted to this girl?"

There was much staring. Their waitress almost dropped her water pitcher in shock. Kurt burst out laughing.

"_Seriously_? You didn't _know_? You are _literally_ ze _last person_ to find out!"

Magneto frowned. "Hmmm... this does explain a great deal." He waved his hand, and Gambit found himself hovering in midair, controlled by the metal of his boots. "Well, for today, at least, I am in the position of Rogue's father, and you are hardly the type I would approve of. I am afraid I will have to ask you to stay away." And, as casually as if he were batting at a fly, he sent Gambit flying through the window. The Cajun landed on the sidewalk with an 'oof!'

The waitress was scribbling something down on her pad. She ripped the page off and handed it to Magneto.

"Your check, sir. And how will you be paying for the damage to the window?"

"I'll.. write you a check."

"Gambit!" Rogue rushed out to where Gambit had landed and helped him up. "You all rahght?"

"M'fine, Cherie," he said with a groan. "Just got a bump on de noggin." He tapped the spot, and winced. "Maybe you kiss it better, no?"

"Ugh!" She shoved him away and stormed off down the street. "Damn Cajun," she muttered angrily.

While she was storming off, she was nearly toppled over by a familiar motorcycle driving by. She gaped. "Was that... was that Bobby and Lorna on Wolverine's motorcycle?"

**(*o*o*o)**

Ace finished typing the last sentence and leaned back, cracking her knuckles one at time. She gave Doc Skylar a pitiful look.

"Dooooc, my hands hurt." She held them up, letting them droop to make her point. "Can we take a break?"

"Sorry," the Doc said with a shrug. "We're just getting started and we got a long way to go. Now, I want to know just what was going on with the motorcycle. Lorna, do you mind talking?"

The question was directed at a girl few of them recognized. She was tallish, with vivid green eyes and green hair cut into a short bob. One of her arms was heavily bandaged and being carried in a sling. Like most of the other occupants, she had been deemed a flight risk; in addition to the Genosha collar, she was also duct-taped to her chair.

"I think," she said, "that for any of this to make sense, I'll have to back up just a bit."

**(*o*o*o)**

Alex yelped as the pulse hit him, and nearly toppled off of his board. Lorna bit her lip, waiting for him to surface, and was relieved when his head appeared bobbing above the waves a moment later. She clutched her head painfully. The headaches were coming back, worse than ever, and now she was sending off waves of some kind with every one.

Alex was coming back to shore. She jogged over to meet him.

"Are you okay?" She gave his body a quick once-over, checking for injuries. He looked none the worse for his spill. "I- I'm really sorry, I never meant... I'm sorry."

"It's all right." He took her hands in his. "Why didn't you tell me you were a mutant?"

"I was afraid," she said. "It only started a few weeks ago. When everyone in my old school found out, things got really bad. Mom moved me here hoping we could get a new start. I just didn't want there to be any trouble." She hung her head. "I knew it would come out eventually. I can't really control it."

They walked back to his house in silence. Alex was deep in thought. Once they were in the living room with cups of shave ice in their hands, his face lit up.

"I've got it!" he said excitedly. "You remember how I told you my brother lives at this school called the Xavier Institute? Why don't you try it out there? I bet they could help you learn control."

"I don't know..."

"At least visit. You could talk to Xavier. He really knows his stuff. He can help you out a lot..." he smiled sheepishly. "..and if nothing else, I would love for you to meet my brother."

He looked so hopeful. She sighed. "Okay, fine. I'll go, just to see."

It took a bit longer to convince her mother, but eventually, they wore her down. She finally agreed when Alex arranged for her to have a video chat with Scott, who managed to convince her that Lorna would be in responsible hands. All the same, it was almost a month later when Alex and Lorna finally arrived in Bayville.

Xavier turned out to be as nice and understanding and paternal as Alex had described. The other kids at the Institute were pretty nice, too. One in particular, a jokester calling himself Iceman, seemed quite taken with her. When she agreed to participate in a training session, he was the one watching her back.

"Hey, Lorna!" Bobby waved to her across the lawn. She halted long enough for him to catch up. "What are you doing?"

"I was thinking about getting out for a couple of hours. Having a look around Bayville, you know? If I do decide to come here, I want to know the sort of place I'll be living."

"Why don't I show you around? I know the place pretty well. In fact..." he looked around conspiratorially. His voiced dropped a few decibels. "I have a great way you can see the whole place."

The bike looked really well cared for. Lovingly, even. Like the type of bike someone would kill for even looking at too hard. Taking it was probably- no, _definitely_- a bad idea.

Bobby used his ice to make a key. The bike came to life; the sound awakened some primal urge within her. It sounded so exhilarating, to see a town from the back of a motorcycle, roaring down the street with nary a care in the world, the knowledge the only a single slip could be the difference between life and death... she longed, _yearned_ for the feeling. She nodded, once. Bobby needed no second prompting.

She let out a whoop as they gunned down the driveway and through the gates, soaring over a curb and landing with a slide before taking off down the road. There was a brief moment when Lorna thought she heard a gunshot go off, but they were far away by then and she turned her thoughts back to the freeing feeling the bike brought her. She tightened her arms around Bobby's waist.

**(*o*o*o)**

The Doc was nodding. "Yes, it makes sense now. I was wondering... but anyway. Pietro, can you tell us what happened with you guys? I think I understand something now."

"Surething." Pietro stood. Aside from the Genosha collar, he had not been deemed much of a flight risk, and was completely free to move around to tell his story. "Souh, Scruffyoverthere was holding a gun onus, and Wolverine's getting readyto skewer him, and me and Wanda are just waiting around tosee what's goingtohappen..."

**(*o*o*o)**

"Listen, Bub," Wolverine said threateningly. "I know you've got some issues with Mystique over there and frankly, I can't really blame you, but you have about three seconds to get out of here before I shishkebab you."

He probably would have done it, too. Wolverine wasn't the type to joke about those things. Unfortunately, right about that moment, there was the sound of an engine revving up and a whoop. Wolverine turned to look out the window; it looked like two of the students had taken his bike. The second of distraction was all Creed needed. He fired at Wolverine; it would never have been enough to kill or even hurt him, but it knocked him back and slowed him down long enough to fire a second shot at a stunned Mystique and scoop her up. He looked around for the other two mutants, but Pietro had already grabbed Wanda and taken them both out of harm's way.

"Oh well," he said with a shrug. "I got what I came for."

"Oh, you got it, Bub," Wolverine said angrily, "but you won't be leaving with it."

He jumped, claws ready, but Creed had apparently gotten _something_ from his parents, because he leaped out of the way in a move straight out of Mystique's arsenal, knocking Wolverine to the ground with a kick to his back and taking off down the hall before the other man could recover.

**(*o*o*o)**

**Dun-dun-duuuuun! Where is Creed taking Mystique? What will become of her? Will anyone actually bother trying to save her?**

**Also, I used two friends, one of my professors, and my mom as a sounding board for this story, and I was finally able to work out how everything is connected... almost. There's one last piece missing from the puzzle, but I'll find that one soon enough.**

**Updates will be slow (but not non-existent, fortunately) because I have a shitton of stuff to do for school as well. I'll write when I can (and sometimes when I shouldn't) and get things up as quickly as possible.**

**(1)- Bruder: 'Brother' in German. (I'm sure you already knew that.)**

**(2)- Bombo: 'Bumblebee' in Italian; Asso: 'Ace', in Italian. (Bumblebee is one of Ace's nicknames, because of her black and yellow uniform.)  
**


	3. Who Wants a Reunion With No Potato Salad

**The Problem With Parents (Or How Mastermind Got His Groove Back)**

**Chapter 3: Who Wants a Reunion With No Potato Salad?**

**A/N- He'd have been my favorite villain, if Magneto wasn't such a fantastic dork.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, blah blah blah.**

**(*o*o*o)**

Wanda struggled out of Pietro's grasp and stomped off in the direction that Creed had taken Mystique.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Pietro shrugged. "Notourproblem, Sis. Now comeon. If we leave we can justmake it out before anyofthe X-Geeks figureout what happened." He zipped in front of her and gave her a winning smile. She shoved past him.

"She's family, Pietro... today, anyway. We should help her. Besides, do you want the Friends of Humanity to win? I don't."

There was a long silence, as the two held a brief battle of wills. It was pointless; in a battle of wills, Wanda wins every time. Pietro shrugged, and picked her back up.

"Well, better getgoing, then. Noway we'll catchem at your speed." And with that, he zipped off down the hall after Creed.

Creed had run into trouble in the mansion. Many had heard the shots, and come to investigate, and when they found him carting off an unconscious Mystique, they'd temporarily put aside their feelings about her to try stopping him.

Granted, he was actually putting up a decent fight, for a flatscan laden with an unconscious woman and a now-empty gun. It was clear he'd gotten more from Sabretooth than a tendency to growl as a way of communication. Nonetheless, when Wanda hexed him, he went down, hard. He struggled, trying to regain his feet and his prize, snarling profanities the whole time.

-snkt-

Creed halted mid-profanity at the sound of a pair of adamantium claws shooting out of the wrists they were sheathed in.

"Watch the language, Creed," Wolverine said angrily, advancing on the hapless young man. "There's _kids _present."

"_Freaky _kids," Creed muttered, but otherwise kept his tongue. Mostly so that he could _keep _his tongue. He'd heard things about Wolverine from his dad. He didn't want to push his luck.

Wolverine stalked over to the hapless man and with one deft movement, sliced the gun he'd been carrying and took Mystique from his grasp. Mystique, who chose that moment to stir and start waking. When she realized whose arms she was in, she leaped as far from him as the laws of physics allowed, landing on Ray, who discharged some of his stored up electricity and set off a chain of events and confusion that gave Creed the distraction he needed to knock Mystique out (the X-Men were now short one vase) and cart her out the nearest window.

If one had been listening close enough, one would have heard him murmur, "Come along, _Mommy_, you and I are going to go find Daddy Dearest."

**(*o*o*o)**

Doc looked thoughtful. Ace cocked her head.

"Whatcha thinking 'bout?"

Sabretooth snorted. "Probably wondering why all of the familial honorifics in our family are so sarcastic." The look earned him stares; most were surprised that he knew words with more than two syllables. "What?"

Doc was still not paying attention. Ace waved a hand in front of her face. She snapped her attention to her assistant.

"Hmm? Oh, um. Professor, will you tell me where you were at the time? I find it hard to believe that you didn't know that Creed was in the mansion, or hear the commotion."

"I was away, interviewing a potential new student," Xavier explained calmly. The potential new student in question found himself suddenly the center of attention. He laughed nervously and gave a small wave. Everyone turned back to the Professor.

(*o*o*o)

"His parents were friends of mine," Dr. Essex explained. He handed the Professor a cup of a tea and took a seat across from him. "They were killed when he was a young boy, and I took him in. When his powers manifested, I did what I could, but the anti-mutant crowds have grown worse. I want him to be among his own kind. If you allow, I would like to enroll him at your school."

It was a very pretty, if slightly rehearsed, speech. The Professor could detect only sincerity from the man, though.

"I would like to meet Kevin," he said. "What are his feelings on the matter?"

"A bit of everything. He's a fifteen year old boy, Professor." Dr. Essex laughed. "You should know that they rarely feel only one thing about anything." He looked up at the sound of the front door opening. "That will be him now. Kevin!"

The boy came into the room, dumping his backpack and a skateboard onto the floor unceremoniously. He looked like any other fifteen-year-old boy might, gangly and awkward, if a bit pale, with bags under his eyes, likely from stress. He seemed broody enough to rival Rogue, and surly enough to put Wolverine to shame. Well, no matter. Very few teenagers didn't have their moments of broody surliness. He was giving the Professor a disinterested look, trying to decide what to make of him while trying not to look like he cared.

"Professor, this is my son, Kevin Sydney. Kevin, this is Professor Xavier. He runs the Xavier Institute. He'd like to speak to you."

The meeting went more-or-less like any other. Dr. Essex was all for young Kevin taking a place at the Institute; Kevin, on the other hand, seemed to be of two minds. On the one hand, he liked the idea of a place where there were other mutants, especially other mutants around his age. On the other hand, he seemed to believe that he was being sent to the Institute because his father no longer wanted to be burdened with a freak kid that wasn't even his.

Xavier decided to give him time to consider- and time for the two to talk- and took his leave for the evening. Before he left, he gave them one more thing to talk about.

"If you like, I can arrange to have you come to the Institute for a visit. It will give us a chance to show Kevin what he is being offered."

"I'd like that very much, Professor," Dr. Essex said, an unreadable look on his face. He shook the Professor's hands and bid him farewell.

Just as his car was pulling out of the driveway, the Professor saw a small smile tug at Kevin's mouth for the barest of seconds. He adopted one of his own, returning to his hotel with high hopes.

**(*o*o*o)**

Doc Skylar was laughing silently. Ace was less subtle, all put stuffing her fists into her mouth to stifle her giggles. "He's goooot, hiiiiigh hopes~" she sang quietly. Doc gave her a look, and she settled down, still laughing. (1)

"Okay, I'd like to hear from someone else now. Kurt, will you please tell us what happened after Rogue left?"

"Ja, all right." Kurt stood, fiddled with his collar so that it sat more comfortably, and turned to address those present. "It vas just me, Magneto, and Gambit after Rogue left."

**(*o*o*o)**

Their waitress had politely asked them to leave after the deal with the window, and they had grabbed Gambit on their way back to the car, Magneto so that he couldn't cause more trouble ("You're de one dat threw me t'rough a window!") and Kurt unwilling to leave his sister's stalker where he could just go stalk her some more.

"Sooo..." Gambit said, after Kurt had glared at him for awhile. "How's t'ings?"

There was a long awkward silence. Kurt continued to glare at Gambit, albeit halfheartedly- unlike Wolverine, he couldn't bring himself to hate Gambit on the basis of a silly crush, but that didn't stop him from making sure he knew that his affections were unwelcome- while Magneto drove in silence. Awkwardness descended, until he had to swerve out of the way to avoid being slammed into by a pair of kids on the back of a motorcycle.

The kid driving had lost control of the bike trying to avoid running into Magneto, and it was now careening down the street. The kid threw out a hand and formed a bridge of ice (and why wasn't Kurt at ALL surprised to find out that the kid was Bobby and HOLY CRAP WAS THAT WOLVERINE'S MOTORCYCLE? Oh God they were all going to die just from being in the vicinity of its destruction) to keep them from running into the building they were about to crash into, but this succeeded in sending them flying into the air.

And then it... stopped. The bike righted itself in midair; Bobby and the other passenger looking around in shock. Kurt looked to Magneto; he had his hand outstretched and was carefully lowering them all to the ground.

Inches above the ground, the passenger (Kurt had now identified her as Alex's friend Lorna) gasped and grabbed for her head. Magneto looked on in surprise when he lost his grip on the bike and it hit the ground with a thud and a bounce before Bobby was able to settle it. They climbed off of the bike, staggering and pulling their helmets off. Lorna was still clutching at her head.

"I'm sorry, Bobby," she said, with a wince. "I didn't... oww.. mean to."

The others gathered around her, making sure she was okay. Magneto hung back, watching her curiously. When Lorna finally pushed them all away, assuring them she'd be fine, he stepped forward.

"I would like to speak with you," he said. "Walk with me?"

He took her arm, gently, but firm enough to let her know she had no choice. He led her away, talking quietly.

When Bobby and Kurt tried to follow them, Gambit stopped them. "Don' worry 'bout it, p'tite's," he said casually. "Dey'll be fine."

It was a long time before they came back. The bike sat beside Magneto's car, only a little banged up after the abuse it had taken, and the three of them sat around, waiting. Rogue had eventually wandered back to the group, and now she was perched on the back of the car; Gambit was leaning on it next to her, flirting for all he was worth, despite being shot with every attempt. Kurt and Bobby were weighing the ups and downs of making a break for it and rescuing Lorna.

She looked far calmer than any of them had seen her; whatever Magneto had said to her, it had worked. Kurt hoped this wasn't a sign of things to come. He liked Lorna, he didn't want to fight her (though the X-Men and Acolytes did very little fighting with each other these days, beyond the petty quarrels that Magneto occasionally instigated to remind them that they were supposed to be enemies).

"We're going back to the Institute," he explained. "I need to speak with Charles." He gestured for the bike, which started at a wave of his hand. "Gambit, bring that, will you?"

"Yes, Boss." Gambit grabbed a helmet and tossed the other at Rogue. "Here, Cherie, how 'bout a ride? Gambit go slow for ya."

"Ah'm so sure," she said. Nonetheless, she jammed the helmet on and climbed onto the bike behind him. "Guess Ah better come along though, if only to stop Logan from skewering ya when ya pull up on his baby."

Kurt scowled at the idea, but didn't protest. Rogue could take care of herself. She would be fine.

**(*o*o*o)**

"Gambit?" Doc stood in front of the Cajun and smiled. "I'd like to hear from you now. Pick up where Fuzzy left off, mmkay?"

He gave her a winning smile, and a faint blush tinted her cheeks. Gambit was one of her favorites. He always had that effect on her.

"Well, le's see, Gambit and Rogue were on de bike, followin' de boss, when Gambit decide to take de scenic route back to de institute."

**(*o*o*o)**

Rogue gave a shout when Gambit veered off into a backstreet and punched Gambit lightly in the shoulder.

"What are ya doin', Swamp Rat?"

"Just takin' de' scenic route, Chere," he said, revving the bike and picking up speed. Rogue probably wanted to protest, but something made her stop. She tightened her grip on Gambit's waist (if he'd died right then, it would have been as a happy man) instead.

"Just don't ding tha paint job," she warned.

The 'scenic route' led them through much of the city. Remy didn't care about where they were going as long as they did eventually end up back at the Institute. He was just enjoying having Rogue cling to him like that (and, yeah, okay, that bike was pretty sweet).

In hindsight, the crazy lady that ran them off the road should have been expected. Perfect moments rarely come without a price- a perfect moment with Rogue, of course, would have a very high price.

Gambit clambered from the wreckage of the bike with a groan, pulling Rogue with him. The bike was mangled, not beyond repair, but enough that _someone _was going to be killed or at least severely maimed in retaliation. Gambit didn't care about that at the moment, though.

"You okay, Chere?" he asked. Rogue nodded. "What jus' happened, anyway?"

"Ah have no ahdea."

Laughter filled the air. "Oh, did Ah hurt you?" taunted a woman's voice. A familiar voice. Gambit narrowed his eyes. "Ah'm sorry, Ah was jus' tryin' to _kill _you. Ah'll try harder nex' time, cherie."

"Friend of yours?" Rogue asked angrily. She looked cross. So did Gambit, actually, which was a little surprising. He glared into the shadow the voice was coming from.

"Bella Donna," he breathed angrily. He grabbed Rogue's arm and pulled her away as quickly as he could. "Come on, Chere, we gettin' outta here."

She struggled against his grip, but for once he was less concerned about not angering her and more concerned about getting her as far away from the crazy lady who wanted to kill him, and probably her just on principle of proximity.

"You... crazy..." She wrenched her hand out of his grasp and stood glaring at him. "What is goin' _on_, Gambit?"

"No time ta 'splain, Chere. Jus' trus' me on dis one."

She stood glaring at him for a very long time. Or only a few seconds. Fear was making it rather hard for Gambit to focus on time. He just knew it was more time than they had.

"Fahne, Ah'll go with ya. But don't you eva pull on me lahke that again, hear? And I'm gonna want some answahs when you're done freakin' out."

"Agreed." He took her hand and led her away, down the streets and into a back alley. "We can 'scape t'rough here," he said quietly. "If we lucky, she won' tink to look in any buildings. Jus' gotta get far away, den we can separate." She let him lead her on. He was vaguely aware that he was still talking, but it was garbled Creole and English, and he knew how think his accent got when he was stressed. There was no way she could understand him. No matter, he was talking more to himself than her anyway.

They'd been escaping for what felt like ages when he finally stopped. They were standing in front of the Brotherhood house. Rogue glared, but followed him in.

Lance was the only one home. He gave them a funny look when they came in, but otherwise ignored them.

"All rahght, Swamp Rat, Ah want answahs," Rogue demanded, taking a seat in the empty living room and giving him an 'I'm waiting' look. "Who was that woman? Why'd she want to kill you?"

"She one of de Rippers," Gambit explained. "Julien's sister, in fact. And uh." He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and looked everywhere but at Rogue. "She uh. She kinda m' ex, uh. Ex-fiancée."

"Oh, _wow_." Lance had taken an interest in their conversation when Gambit started looking nervous, and now he laughed. "And she wants to kill you? What'd you do, leave her at the altar?"

Gambit blinked. Lance laughed harder.

"Way to go, Rogue. He's a real keeper, this guy. You sure know how to pick 'em." Lance shook his head. Gambit glared, but Rogue was glaring harder.

"Okay, one, Ah haven't 'picked' anyone, let alone the Swamp Rat here. And _two_, you've got no room to talk until you stop being a jerk to Kitty."

Lance gave a wave of his hands and collapsed onto the sofa, looking perturbed. "Like it matters. All she ever wants to talk about is Colossus this and Colossus that. Kitty doesn't care about me anymore." He crossed his arms to sulk. "I don't get it. What does Super Russkie have that I don't?" (2)

It was probably a rhetorical question. That didn't stop them from answering.

"Sexy muscles?"

"A motorcycle?"

"A sexy accent?"

"Better powers?"

"Mannahs?"

"No control issues?"

"Did Ah mention the sexy muscles?"(3) They both glared at her. "What? Like this is the first you're hearing of it." She turned her attention back to Gambit. "Ah can't believe you have an ex-fiancée, and _what's more_, one you left at the altar!" She poked him in the chest to accentuate her point.

She turned away with a huff. Great. Now she was mad. He cursed Bella with every fiber of his being; he was sure he'd been getting somewhere with her, and now all that progress was destroyed.

"Listen, Chere, it's not what you're t'inkin'." He moved to stand in front of her, trying to placate her anger. "Bella Donna was suppose' ta take over de Rippers and I was supposed to take of de T'ieves. Our fathers arranged it so it would tie togeder our families. Dat's _all_. Dat's why I left." Her face softened, just barely. Anyone else wouldn't have noticed it, but not everyone else had made an art-form out of reading Rogue's expressions. He took it as a good sign and gave her a hopeful look. "Still mad?"

"Yes." Lance sniggered, but otherwise stayed out of the conversation. Rogue shoved Gambit out of the way and headed for the door. "But rahght now Ah'm gonna go find that swamp witch and deal with her. Ah'll deal with you latah."

Before she could open the door, it flew open. A blond woman stood before her, her hands on her hips and her look saying everything she needed to.

"Oh, don' worry, p'tite. Ah can deal wit' you real fast, and take Remy home where he belong. But you don' wanna get involved, do ya'?" She gave Rogue a patronizing smile. "Why don' you jus' go home an' play wit' your dollies, hmm?"

Rogue yanked her glove off with one swift movement and stood between Bella Donna and the inside of the house, fists at the ready.

"_Remy _ain't goin' _nowhere _with you, got it?"

**(*o*o*o)**

**(1)- High Hopes, from the movie A Hole in the Head.**

**(2)- No offense meant. Well, by me. Lance meant full offense.**

**(3)- This exchange (with the B-hood instead of Rogue and Gambit) has been in my notepad for.. I dunno, I think I was fifteen at the time that I scribbled it down? So that's about seven years, waiting for the opportunity to use it. I feel that you should all know this.**

**I kinda hate the way this chapter ended. Maybe I'll rewrite it later.  
**


	4. The Title Now Makes Sense

**The Problem With Parents (Or How Mastermind Got His Groove Back)**

**Chapter 4: The Title Now Makes Sense**

**A/N- I had wondered how long it would take me to work that in.**

**Disclaimer- If I owned any aspect of this universe, I would never have to put on pants again. Ever. That's how loaded I would be. I could just sit around my house not wearing pants. **_**All the time**_**.**

**(*o*o*o)**

Remy had a stupid look on his face. He was repeating a mantra to himself of 'Dis isn' hot, dis isn' hot, dis isn' hot', but, well, it... was. Rogue had tackled Bella through the open door and the two women were now fighting in the front yard, all powers forgotten.

That they were fighting over him... yeah, that was even more hot. (Okay, so Bella was fighting for the opportunity to kill him and Rogue was just fighting on principle, but a narcissistic part of his brain was insisting that they were fighting over _him _and thus the stupid grin.) He wasn't the only one.

"Am I the only one that finds this incredibly hot?" Lance had a similar stupid look on his face.

"No, it is." Gambit sighed. "We should stop dem."

"Do we have to?"

"...yes."

It was several more moments before the two actually followed through. Lance caused a tremor to knock the two women apart, and Remy threw a charged card between them, causing just enough of an explosion to get them away from each other. Then Lance tackled Bella while Remy moved to take care of Rogue.

"Put me down, Cajun!" Remy had his arms around Rogue's waist from behind, pinning her arms to her sides. He was trying to avoid her flailing feet.

A few feet away, Lance had been a bit more enthusiastic, and had Bella pinned to the ground. She looked up at him, giving him her most charming smile.

"We're de same, you and me," she said quietly. "Your girl lef' you f'r anoder man, and my Remy left me for anoder woman."

"Actually, I think he left you for Magneto," Lance said. (Gambit interrupted with a squawked "Dat's not what it sound like!") "Anyway, why do you wanna go marrying someone your dad told you to? Find a guy that likes you for you. Or something."

"Is dat wha' he tol' you?" Bella asked. "We were t'geder long b'fore our fathers foun' out." She turned her head to Rogue, who had finally stopped struggling, and gave her an extremely smug look. "Remy has kissed many women, chere, but he love only me." (1)

Remy had the foresight to tighten his grip on Rogue before she started struggling again, harder then before.

"Put me down, Cajun! Put me down and let me atter!"

"Oh, no! Not till you calm down! Gambit ain't stupid, you not goin' anywhere while you crazy!"

She stopped struggling and hung limply in his arms. "All rahght. Fahne. Ah'll behave."

"Promise?"

"...yes."

He waited a moment longer, and set her down, turning her to face him.

"Don' be angry, Chere. You know Gambit on'y got eyes f'you."

"That a fact?" She darted forward, and her lips touched his for the briefest of moments. The last thought Gambit had before blackness overtook him was 'I really wish she wouldn't do that... or that she would do it more'.

**(*o*o*o)**

Remy paid no attention to the glares he was receiving from Rogue's 'protectors'. He leaned forward so that he was invading her personal space completely.

"Dat de second time you done dat, Chere," he said. "Gambit t'ink maybe you enjoy it too."

Rogue said nothing. Doc ignored the entire episode and turned to Lance.

"Do you mind picking it up at the point that Gambit fainted?"

**(*o*o*o)**

Lance was trying to decide whether to tease Rogue now, or wait till after the current crisis had been averted, when she shoved him off of the woman he was still sitting on. She leaned over and yanked the woman to her feet.

"Get outta here, Cajun," she said crossly. "If you're lucky, you can be outta the state by the time Logan finds out you're the one that trashed his bike." Bella looked pointedly at Gambit. Rogue glared harder. "Don' worry about the Swamp Rat. You can probably do better than him anyway. Just get outta here, and we _won't _have to have a repeat of before."

There was a long silence. Finally, Bella shrugged. "All right. Remy'll come back to me sooner or later. After all, he want a woman he can touch."

Lance grabbed Rogue and held her back from attacking the woman again. He breathed a deep sigh of relief when she'd finally gone. He wasn't paid enough to deal with this... actually... he wasn't paid at all!

**(*o*o*o)**

Doc moved to where Bella Donna was duct-taped to the wall. Ace had been a bit enthusiastic in that instance. On the other hand, the woman had tried to kill many of the assembled. Better safe than sorry, she supposed, before ripping the tape off of her mouth in what looked to be a very painful way.

"I wanna know how you knew where Gambit was," she said. "What were you doing in Bayville?"

Bella smirked. Doc had to give her credit. Not many people could look that smug when duct-taped to a wall by an over-enthusiastic Romy-shipping canine-mutant on a sugar-high.

"Jean-Luc tol' me."

Doc wondered, for just a moment, when this story had become a crossover before she remembered that Jean-Luc was also the name of Gambit's father. She shook the resulting mental image from her head and smiled back, matching Bella's smugness with a smirk of her own.

"Oh? Do tell."

**(*o*o*o)**

The meeting between the two had been arranged to take place on neutral ground, in the back room in a library deep in the heart of the French Quarter.

...The library was because there was nothing good to steal and no one important to kill. And because it was the only place in the area that none of the guilds had a hand in controlling. Probably for the above mentioned reasons.

"What you want, T'ief?"

"De same t'ing you want, Ripper." Jean-Luc paused for dramatic effect. Bella checked her watch, stared out the window at a bird doing a wierd version of the chicken dance, and waited less than patiently for Jean-Luc to answer. "De return to the bayou of dat traitor, Remy LeBeau."

A slow smile spread across Bella's face. "I'm listenin'."

Jean-Luc told her everything. He told her about the X-Men, about how Remy was using his powers for someone else, and most of all, he told her about the girl, Rogue, the one that Gambit had left the bayou for... the one he had left _her _for. By the time he'd finished talking, Bella was plotting a great deal of things. Namely, how to destroy the X-Men, how to destroy _that girl_, and how to get Remy to marry her... and _not _run off during the bachelor party this time.

**(*o*o*o)**

"This is getting good." Ace had disappeared with Magneto's helmet for a moment, and returned with it full of popcorn. The mutant in question looked distressed at this misuse of his favorite accessory. Ace ignored him, and stuffed a handful of popcorn in her mouth.

"I'd like to hear more from the Creed situation," Doc said. She turned to Mystique. "What happened when you woke up?"

**(*o*o*o)**

Mystique came to in a hovel that would put the Brotherhood house to shame. She was tied to a chair, and Graydon was pacing pack and forth, muttering to himself.

"That wasn't a bad move back there," she said casually. "Good to see Victor taught you _something_."

"Shut up," he said. His voice was laced with a growl. She rolled her eyes.

"Don't bother. It didn't affect me when Victor did it, either, and he had the claws to back it up. You're just a demented little boy with no powers and serious mommy issues."

He glared, then turned away and began pacing again. "You don't know the half of my issues." He picked up a phone in the corner. "Now, I'm going to call Dad, and I'm going to deal with him just like I dealt with you."

"Oh yes," she said as he dialed. "I'm sure this is going to end wonderfully." She settled back to watch. This was going to be fun, and if Sabretooth did turn up, she could probably convince him to untie her before he left.

Sabretooth was apparently taking a long time to answer the phone. Graydon muttered to himself, tapped his foot impatiently, and shifted around, waiting. Finally, _finally_, Mystique heard, faintly, a growling voice filter through the reciever. It sounded annoyed. Mystique wondered if Graydon realized that this likely wasn't the best time.

"Oh, hello, Father!" Graydon said, mock cheerily. Mystique couldn't make out Sabretooth's reply, but there was a lot of growling in it. She rolled her eyes. What had she ever seen in that man? Oh right, testosterone packed fury and anger issues that eventually exploded in wild animal sex.

**(*o*o*o)**

Mystique's collective spawn were visibly- and audibly- alarmed by this information. Actually, most of the room looked ready to gag.

Except Sabretooth. He looked smug. And Ace. She looked intrigued. That none of Bubbles' muses have active sex drives seemed to have no bearing on this whatsoever.

Graydon had retreated into his happy place. He was curled up in a ball on the floor, his arms held protectively over his head. "Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts..." He was repeating the mantra to himself in the hopes to drive the images out of his head. It didn't appear to be helping.

"I don't think any of us really needed to know that," Doc said. "I, uh. Think it's time for someone else to talk. Uh." She looked around the room. "Sab's! Your turn."

Sabretooth growled at being called Sab's, but otherwise ignored the jab. He stood, Graydon's leash still in his hand. When he moved to stand in front of the group, he didn't seem to mind that he still hadn't uncurled from his fetal position and was thus being dragged across the floor. A few people winced. He was going to have rug-burns later.

**(*o*o*o)**

"Well maple syrup and snow's what they export!"

"Get back here, Runt!"

-crash!-

"They treat curling just like it's a real sport!"

"I swear, when I get my hands on you!"

-bang!-

"They think they're silly accent is so cute!"

"Stop singing, you sound like a moose choking on a beaver!"

-wham!-

"Can't understand a think they're talking aboooo-aaaaaaah!" (2)

-fzzt-

"Gotcha."

"Waaaaaah! Sabby! Put me down! Putmedownputmedownputmedown!"

Sabretooth had Pyro tucked under his arm like a football, completely ignoring his struggles and pleas for release. Someone had given the pyromaniac far too much sugar that morning (Sabretooth blamed Gambit. It was usually his fault, anyway. Even when it wasn't his fault, it was. That totally made complete sense) and then everyone else had flown the coop, leaving Sabretooth to babysit. At some point, Sabretooth had decided he'd had enough, and that was why the base was a complete mess. Pyro was hard to catch when he was on a sugar high. Mostly because he had a habit of running into stuff and knocking it over and then setting said stuff on fire.

Sabretooth was trying to decide what to do with Pyro- maul him, or throw him out a window, or into a lake, or tie him to a tree, or some other, crueler punishment?- when he realized the phone had been ringing for the last ten minutes. He sighed. He could let the answering machine get it, but if it was Magneto, he would be cross. And probably try hiring another secretary. That hadn't gone well the first time, none of them wanted a repeat. He answered the phone.

"Hello?" he growled. "What do you want?"

"Oh, hello, Father!" answered the cheery voice on the other end of the line.

Sabretooth snarled. Pyro yelped, and tried to fidget out of Sabretooth's tightening grip.

"Graydon?"

"Graydon? Father?" Pyro stopped struggling. "Blimey! I didn't know you had a kid! Who's the unlucky lady that bore your spawn, eh? Ooh, was it Mystique? I bet it was. I always figured there was more there than you were letting on. S'that why she left ya? Cause ya knocked her up? Ack!"

Sabretooth had set Pyro down and clamped a hand around his throat. Pyro sputtered as his air supply was cut off. "Listen, Runt," he said angrily. "I don't have the patience to deal with two crazy people right now, and I've completely run out of patience to deal with _you_, period. Now get out of my sight before I chop you up and feed you to the carnivorous moose people that live up in the mountain."

Pyro wheezed a reply, and Sabretooth tossed him to the side. Pyro ran from the room, shouting about how there weren't any carnivorous moose people in the mountains. Sabretooth growled and returned the phone to his ear.

"What do you want, Graydon?"

"What, a guy can't just call up his old man just to say hi?"

"You're the one that ran away. Thought you didn't want anything to do with your 'old man'."

"Well... I didn't. But I've got a little problem and I was wondering if you could help me with it."

Sabretooth snarled. "You've got a lot of nerve, kid."

"Oh, don't be like that. It's really simple. It'll be so much easier if you cooperate. Mommy's cooperating, isn't that right?" He could hear Mystique saying something in the background. He couldn't make it out, but it sounded sardonic. Sabretooth snickered. Kid was in over his head if he thought he could get the upper hand on Mystique. The woman was a handful even when she wasn't angry.

"Listen, kid, I don't know what game you and Mystique are playing, but you should know it's not going to end well for you. Now, I have a pyromaniac to throw in the lake."

He hung up, and wandered off in the direction Pyro had gone.

"Hey Runt! I'm coming for ya!"

Pyro squealed and Sabretooth got the distinct impression that he'd just jumped out of a window. He chuckled sadistically. He always liked a good hunt.

**(*o*o*o)**

"I wasn't scared," Pyro said. He seemed to feel the need to make sure everyone in the place knew this.

...No one actually believed him. This made Pyro sad.

"This is turning into one big clusterfffff.. aaahh... Mags!" Doc turned to Magneto with a forced smile. "Tell us about when you got back to the Institute."

**(*o*o*o)**

As soon as Kurt had realized that Gambit and Rogue were no longer behind them, he'd ported away to look for them. So it was that when Magneto pulled into the Institute driveway some two and a half hours after he'd left, it was Lorna and Bobby that he had with him.

Wolverine was sitting on the front steps, waiting for them. He stalked over and did a double-take when he saw who was in the car. He pointed.

"Those aren't the two you left with, Magneto." ...pointed out the obvious, it would seem.

Magneto hovered out of his car and held the door open for the two children. He turned to Wolverine.

"How very astute of you. Where is Charles? I need to speak with him."

"He's not here."

"Where is he?"

"Interviewing a potential student."

"And when will he be back?"

"No idea."

"Then I will go to him. Where has he gone to interview this student?"

Wolverine laughed. "Like I'm really going to tell you that. What's so important that you need to talk to him, anyway?"

"That's hardly any of _your _concern, now is it?" A silence. "Will you at least allow me to contact him? It really is important."

Wolverine shrugged, and led them into the mansion.

"Just remember this, bub. One wrong move, and you'll regret it."

He held out his claws and waved them under Magneto's nose. Magneto looked at Wolverine, then at his claws, then at the fourth wall, and then at Wolverine again. He put up a hand and gently lowered said claws.

"Yes," he said. "I'm sure that will end wonderfully for you."

Wolverine glared, and led them through the hallway to the Professor's office, grumbling to himself.

The Professor listened quietly while Magneto outlined the situation to him. Once he'd heard the whole story, he steepled his fingers and frowned.

"I don't know why you're telling me this."

"Honestly, Charles. Her powers are the same as mine. Maybe even stronger. There is no one better in the world to teach her how to control them than me. You can't deny it."

"I can understand where you're coming from, Magnus," he said, "but Lorna is not a student here. If you train her, it will have to be her choice." He quirked an eyebrow. "...You will also have to speak to her mother."

Magneto sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "This is exactly why I deal in adults and orphans. It is so much easier to recruit someone when I don't have to deal with any pesky parents."

"I'm sure your team would be happy to learn that."

"And if I recruit her, you will not object or try to 'rescue' her? That gets a bit old, you know. Don't think I don't know you've been trying to steal my Acolytes."

Xavier shrugged. "I do not force any of my students to come here or to remain. I simply give the invitation. It is the students who attempt to 'rescue' others." There was a long pause. Magneto gave Xavier an expectant look. "However, I suppose I can insist they do not attempt it."

"Well... I guess that's all I can ask, isn't it?"

"Of course, I don't have any influence over Alex Summers... He'll be the one protesting the loudest. He's rather taken with Lorna."

"...Really? The little mini-Summers? I thought he had a thing for young Jubilation."

What followed this question was thirty-seven minutes of two old men gossiping about the various people in their lives. Topics covered included pretty much every rumoured coupling in the collective teams, true or not (those most popular rumours were Rogue and Gambit, Kitty and Piotr, Storm and Wolverine, Toad and Wanda, Toad and Freddy, Toad and Pietro, Tabby and Pietro, Nick Fury and Callisto, and one alarming rumour about Wolverine and Sabretooth that neither of them tried to think about too hard. The authoress will leave it to the imagination of the readers which rumours are true and which aren't.), whose spawn Mystique would spit out next, and whether or not Mastermind had ever gotten laid, ever (points against him were that he looked like a monkey and that he was also kinda creepy, and points in his favor were that he could trick a woman into thinking he was hot and that there were women out there who really were that desperate).

So we'll skip that and get straight to the part where-

**(*o*o*o)**

Magneto had lost his audience as soon as Mastermind's love life was brought up. Turns out, the whole lot were just a bunch of gossips, who cared more about whether one of their number had ever done it than piecing together the events of a truly epic week. Doc facepalmed at the inanity of it all.

"Okay... I guess we're not going to get back on track until we've all heard the truth..." She took a deep breath. "Mastermind... have you ever... yerghhh... done the... squelchy?"

"A long story," Mastermind said. "If I might be permitted to tell it?"

"Fine." She threw up her hands in defeat. "But this ain't ffff... ahhhh... this isn't _How I Met Your Mother_, got it? Keep it short." She jabbed a finger in his direction. "I'm not going to sit through this story for six years if it doesn't have Neil Patrick Harris in it. We clear?"

"But of course." He gave a tiny bow and turned to the audience.

**(*o*o*o)**

Mastermind had left the base as soon as Pyro started planning his day. Sabretooth could babysit the twerp alone; Mastermind was taking a leaf out of Gambit and Colossus's books and exiting stage left a-s-a-p.

Once he was gone, he had to figure out how to spend the day. The truth was, as hard as it was to believe, he didn't really have much of a social life. Oh, he went out with the other Acolytes sometimes, but usually he had to blackmail, guilt, or hypnotize them into bringing him along, and that got old after a while.

He hadn't had much luck with the ladies of late, either. Or, well... ever. He just couldn't maintain his illusions in the heat of the moment and those ladies he had persuaded to bed with him usually ended up running off as soon as their hunky Sean Connery lookalike turned into just another man. ...Who happened to bear a vague, uncanny resemblance to certain primates that weren't humans.

Women still liked Sean Connery, right?

And this was why that day saw one Jason Wyngarde wandering down the streets of Bayville with his hands stuffed into his pockets, completely dejected, trying to decide whether it would be worth going to a bar if it meant finding a woman desperate enough to do the deed with him.

In the end, carnal desire won out. He entered the first bar he found that was actually open and took a seat at the end of the counter. He didn't really drink, but he could wait out the desperate women and maybe one of them would be drunk enough to find him attractive... or desperate enough. He wasn't picky.

He didn't wait long. A blond woman in a white sundress entered less than ten minutes later. As he watched, she looked around the room, as if expecting someone, before her eyes landed right on him.

...If this had been a cartoon or something, he would have been picking his tongue up off the floor. This woman was a complete fox. Which, of course, begged the question of why she was walking over to _him_.

"Hello," she said. "I've been waiting for you."

**(*o*o*o)**

"Wait, _what_?" Pietro jumped to his feet, completely stunned. "There is _no way _a babe like the one you just described would be waiting for _you_. She would have had her pick of men. And, wait, were you saying... are you still a _virgin_, dude?"

A few people laughed. Ace and Doc exchanged bewildered looks.

"What's wrong with that?"

Mastermind huffed. "Not that it's any of your business, little manchild, but no. I simply meant that it's been a very long time. Now if I may resume my story..."

"Please do," Doc said. "Then maybe we can get back on track."

**(*o*o*o)**

Mastermind metaphorically picked up his jaw from the floor and stammered out a, "M-me? Y-you've been w-wai-waiting for... m-m-m-me?" The woman nodded. "B-but, why?"

"I have a job proposition for you," she said casually. When his face fell, she leaned over and ran a finger over his shoulder seductively. "And if you do it well, I can make it... ah, _quite_... worth your while."

She'd had him at 'do it well'. He nodded.

"What is it you need me to do?"

"Shhh..." she pressed a finger to his lips. "Not here. We'll talk later, in private. Will you be there? Here's the address." She pressed a folded piece of paper into his hand. He was hanging on her every word. He nodded. "Good." She leaned over and kissed him deeply, just enough to leave him wanting more. She murmured, "A taste of things to come," in his ear.

By the time he'd snapped out of the resulting stupor, she was gone. He sighed. Had that really happened? Was she real? Or just one of his illusions playing tricks on his mind? No way that could have been real.

But... but the paper with the time and address on it was still in his hand. He clutched it to his chest, a huge grin on his face. She was real! She was real and she was beautiful and she wanted- well, she wanted him to do a job for her, but she'd said she'd make it worth it! And she'd kissed him! That was something, right?

He was so happy he felt like skipping as he left the bar a few minutes later.

But that would be undignified. So he didn't.

**(*o*o*o)**

"Awww..." Ace clasped her hands together and smiled. "That's kinda cute, actually."

"Don't encourage him," Doc said. She pushed her glasses up her nose. They slipped back down again. "We'll cover that night when we get to that night, mmkay? I don't want anyone getting ahead of the events... since I'm guessing this is somehow tied to everything else. For now, let's go back to the Magneto and Lorna thing. You were going to call her mother?"

**(*o*o*o)**

Lorna dialed her mother's number and waited patiently for her to answer. Once she had, she squeaked, "Hi mom everything's fine, I met someone with powers like mine and he wants to teach me here you can talk to him," and shoved the phone into Magneto's hand.

Magneto sighed and held the phone to his ear. "Hello, Ms-" He frowned. He didn't actually know Lorna's mother's name. Oh well, never mind. When in doubt, feign superiority. "My name is Magneto. I have powers very similar to your daughter and I am quite certain that I am the one person in the world most qualified to train her in how to control them."

There was a long silence. Magneto wondered if she had actually heard anything he'd said. Finally, a voice squeaked out, "M-Magnus?"

Yet more silence reigned. Magneto gaped. In his mind, he was no longer in the room; he was in the past, walking hand in hand with a young woman through a park, gazing down at her. What a perfect night that had been.

"Sally?"

Sally took a deep breath. "Magnus, I think we need to have a talk."

Magneto looked over at Lorna, did some quick mental calculations. He nodded. "Yes, I think we do."

He shooed Lorna out of the room, promising to explain everything later.

His argument with Sally was rather longwinded. Sally was completely unapologetic about keeping Lorna from him, and Magneto was understandably upset by it. They argued in circles. They repeated themselves. Xavier's long distance bill shot through the roof. In the end, nothing had changed. They were both exhausted and angry. They'd run out of things to say to each other, and were now just silently fuming into the phones.

Lorna tapped on the door. When it opened, seemingly of it's own volition, she peeked in. "Mr. Magneto, is everything okay?"

"Let me tell her, Magnus," Sally said through the phone. "She'll take it better coming from me."

So Magneto handed Lorna the phone, and waited patiently. At first, she just listened. Then she looked angry. It was Lorna's turn to argue with Sally. There was more shouting; more circles. Lorna was on the verge of angry tears. Xavier's long distance bill went up even more. And when Lorna'd finally had enough, she hung up the phone and threw her arms around Magne- around _her father_- and buried her face in his chest to cry herself out.

Magneto was at a loss. It had been almost fifteen years since anyone had ever come to him for this level of comfort. He patted her head awkwardly. That was right, right?

Right?

Okay, maybe his therapist had been right. He really was a terrible father. He decided to just wait till she'd finished crying.

**(*o*o*o)**

"You are a bad father," Doc said. "But you're not the worst father in the world." She jabbed her thumb in Sabretooth's direction and smiled. "That mug goes to him!"

Sabretooth probably would have objected, except he'd gotten bored and fallen asleep ages ago. Doc sighed.

"Mystique, can we get more of the whole Graydon thing?"

**(*o*o*o)**

Mystique was trying to sweet-talk Graydon into letting her go. It wasn't going well.

"Do you really want to kill me?"

"Yes." He was pacing back and forth, cradling his phone between head and shoulder. He'd been trying to get an answer at the Institute for a few hours now, but the phone line was tied up for some reason, so he was having no luck. "Honestly, a house full of teenagers, and they have only one phone line? How am I supposed to leave a message for my wayward siblings to come here so I can kidnap them if I can't even get anyone to answer the phone?"

"I know," Mystique said sarcastically. "Charles was just completely ignoring your plight when he set up his phone lines, wasn't he? How inconsiderate of him." Graydon shot her a glare. She ignored it. "You know you look just like your father?" She smiled. "My handsome boy."

Graydon snorted. "A lot of words I would use to describe dear old dad, but handsome isn't one of them."

"He is handsome, though. A word to the wise, women like me don't date down."

"He said you seduced him for your own nefarious purposes."

"He never did take rejection well. What else did he tell you about me?"

"That you said you were just going out for milk and never came back."

"I'm guessing he was more upset about not getting his milk than he was about me not coming back?"

"...yes. Finally!" It seemed as though someone had answered the phone. "Yes, may I ask who I'm speaking to? Sam? Okay, I need to get a message to Nightcrawler and Rogue. ...Yes, yes, I can wait... are you ready? Okay, here's the message- If you ever want to see your mother alive again, come to the abandoned theatre tomorrow night at sundown. ...Well I was going to have them come by tonight, but it's almost sundown now, you took so long to answer the phone... Yes, I realize they don't have much incentive to rescue her, but they're going to anyway... Because you freaks always stick together... No, not that abandoned theatre, the other abandoned theatre... yes, the one on Fourth... Thank you, you've been very helpful. When the Mutant Registration Act goes through and all mutants are put in internment camps to keep them under control, I'll see to it that you get put in one of the nicer ones." He hung up. "That went well."

Mystique rolled her eyes. "I don't foresee this ending well for you."

"And why is that?"

"One, because they have mutant powers and you don't, and two, you forgot to tell them to come alone, which means they'll probably be bringing Wolverine with him, and he already doesn't like you for being Sabretooth's son."

"I can take him."

"No, son. No you can't."

"...I can if I set traps!"

He went off to set said traps. Mystique groaned. There was no way this was going to end well.

**(*o*o*o)**

"It's official," Ace said. "Everybody loves Sam."

"He's like Buzz," Doc agreed. "If this was a murder mystery, he would be the guy who just got drugged instead of killed."

"Uh.." Sam looked confused. "Good?"

"Don't worry 'bout it, love," Doc said cheerily. She frowned. "Did we just wrap up Day 1 of this thing? Huh."

"Can we take a break noooow?" Ace was whining again. Doc shrugged.

"Why not? I feel as though I haven't slept in two years. All right, we'll take a breather. I'ma go lie down for an hour. Those of you who haven't been duct taped to the furniture or walls are free to fill that hour how you wish as well. When I get back we'll get to work on Day 2."

And with that, she turned and exited.

**(*o*o*o)**

**End Day 1.**

**Next chapter will be a short Interlude, then I'll pick back up on Day 2. Expect longer chapters after this, now that I've (finally) got the story going. Day 2 will see the introduction of two more plot points, Mastermind's date, and an ill-fated rescue attempt. It may be a few days before anything gets posted, though, because I **_**seriously **_**need to get caught up in my classes.**

**(1)- Still butchering lines from Animated.  
**

**(2)- ****Canadian Idiot, by Weird Al. Chosen because that was the song on my music player when I got to that point.  
**


	5. And Thus Begins Another Day

I know I said there would be an interlude, but I could think of nothing for it. So have a chapter instead. I know, try to contain your disappointment. (I also removed the first Interlude, since it was mostly just to say I would be updating again.)

**The Problem With Parents (Or How Mastermind Got His Groove Back)**

**Chapter 5: And Thus Begins Another Day**

**A/N: No more interruptions. From now on, if it switches to someone else's perspective, just assume someone else is talking. I'll reformat the earlier chapters later. Discrepancies in time will be marked as flashbacks. Please note there is some slight profanity in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I had to do it. Cod Y told me to.  
**

**(I was feeling silly when I wrote most of this.)**

**o/o/o  
**

_/Denotes thought/_

**o/o/o**

The morning of the second day dawned on the Acolyte base with the sound of wailing and Russian curses.

Actually, that wasn't how the morning started, but it was the first important thing to happen. That counted.

"Don't... leave... me... Petey!"

Actually, in fact, it was the second important thing to happen. The first had been Piotr walking into the room with a pair of duffel bags in hand and announcing to those present that he was leaving to join the X-Men.

There were three others in the room with him; Sabretooth and Mastermind simply grunted their acknowledgment of his statement and didn't once remove their attention from the television, but Pyro, the third, tackled him in an attempt to make him stay.

He was now being dragged across the floor while clinging to Piotr's leg like a big red and orange screeching koala bear, begging him not to go, while Piotr tried to detach him without harming him.

This was the scene Gambit saw when he walked into the room, clutching his head and yawning.

"Phew!" He said. "You two make enough noise to wake de half dead! What did I miss?"

"Oh good, you're awake." Pyro was still clinging to Piotr's leg, but now half his attention was on Gambit. "Rock Blast brought you home last night, after your moody Sheila k-o'd ya."

"Dat 'splains why m' head feels like a elephant just sat on it." He frowned. "But it doesn' 'splain why y' glued y'self t' Colossus's leg."

"He's trying to leave," Pyro explained. He clung harder. He was getting dangerously close to cutting off the circulation in Piotr's leg. "He wants to go be an X-Man."

"Dat so?" Gambit rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Y' t'ought about it, homme?"

"Da."

"All right den. Good luck."

"Wha-?" Pyro started wailing again. "But what about us? We're supposed to be a family! Back me up here, guys!"

Sabretooth and Mastermind looked away from the TV for point five seconds before returning to it, choosing to stay out of the conversation. Piotr tried to placate the smaller man.

"Pyro, please. I was not meant to work for Magneto. It is for the best. I am unhappy here."

This was exactly what it took to get Pyro off of his leg. He flopped back onto the floor, staring up at Piotr like he'd just given him a puppy and then eaten it in front of him. He stood and stalked out with a huff.

"Fine. Whatever. Just go ahead and leave." He stormed upstairs.

"Pyro, I did not-" Pyro's door slammed shut above them. Colossus sighed. "I did not mean it like that."

Gambit walked Piotr out to his bike.

"Don' worry 'bout Pyro, mon ami," he said. "He'll come 'round, you'll see."

"You are a good man, Gambit," he said. He climbed onto his bike. "I will miss you all."

"Jus' remember you can come to us if you need us."

The two men shook hands, and Gambit made his way back into the base with a wave. Piotr looked down at his hand. A card had been pressed into it; phone numbers were scrawled across every inch of it's face. On the back, Gambit had scribbled "your family is here for you when you need us". Piotr smiled, and revved his bike, tucking the card into his pocket.

**o/o/o**

By the time Gambit finished breakfast, Pyro had come back downstairs and was now sulking in the chair, his goggles, gloves, boots, and flamethrowers abandoned on the floor around him. Gambit flopped into the chair beside it, dangling his leg over the arm casually. He pulled out a deck and started shuffling it absently.

"So, anything else interesting happen?"

"Well, let's see," Pyro said. He started ticking off on his fingers as he spoke. "Magneto has a daughter he never knew about, Sabretooth's long-lost son gave him a call yesterday, and, wonder of all wonders, Jason over there has a date tonight!"

"Unbelievable!" Gambit said, surprised. "Who would agree to such a thing?"

Mastermind glared at the both of them. "Why is my getting a date less believable than Sabretooth reproducing?" he asked, crossly. They all gave him some rather pointed looks. He sighed. "Yes, okay, I know."

**o/o/o**

Meanwhile, in another part of the country, a very sleepy Xavier was getting a call from a rather frantic father.

"Professor! You have to help! Come right away!"

"Wha?" He rubbed sleep from his eyes and yawned. "I'm sorry, Dr. Essex. Could you slow down, please? What's going on?"

"Yes, Professor. I'm sorry." He took a deep breath. "It's Kevin. He's.. he's run off. He must have been more upset than I realized last night. I just went into his room to wake him up and he was gone. You've got to help me find him, please!"

"Of course I'll help," the Professor said reassuringly. "Now, think carefully. Is there anywhere Kevin likes to go when he's upset? We should check there first."

"Yes, yes. Right. I." There was a pause, while Essex thought. "I... the drive-in theatre! He told me once that going there helped him to forget his troubles."

"Tell me the address. I'll meet you there as soon as I can."

"Of course." He rattled off the address. "I just hope we can find him before he can get too far."

**o/o/o**

"Come ON, Kurt, we're gonna be late!" Rogue skidded across the hall and nearly barreled into Sam. "Whoops, sorry Sam."

"Easy, Rogue. Why are you in such a hurry, anyway?"

"I wanna get to class before that Cajun shows up, or Mystique decides she really wants to try being a good mom again."

"Oh. Hey! That reminds me! You got a message last night. I forgot to give it to you when you got home." He scrounged in his pockets for the paper he'd written the message on. "Here it is. The guy said to tell you and Kurt that if you wanted to see Mystique alive ever again to be at the abandoned theatre on Fourth at sundown."

"Oh really."

"Yeah, I told him you didn't really have that much incentive, but, you know, I did say I'd give you the message."

"And I suppose we're supposed to come alone?"

"Uh... No, actually, he didn't say anything about that."

"Great, so we gotta find someone who's gonna want to walk into a trap to save Mystique? Yeah, that's why he didn't bother saying nothing."

**o/o/o**

"How about some breakfast, Mommy?"

Graydon was cooking something on a portable grill he'd brought along. She sniffed the air. It didn't smell all that bad.

"What are my choices?"

"Egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam spam sausage bacon and spam; spam-"

"Yes, I rather get the point. I'm guessing the baked beans are off today?"

"Who said anything about baked beans?"

"Never mind."

They fell into silence. Graydon continued cooking breakfast, while Mystique continued thinking of a way to get away.

Maybe after breakfast. She was starving, and whatever he was cooking smelled good.

**o/o/o**

Tabby was sitting under the fountain with her headphones on, singing along with the music, when Piotr pulled into the drive.

"But this lad at the side drinking the Smirnoff ice went and paid for her Tropical Reef- oh hey!" She tugged the headphones off. "What's up, Gorgeous? What brings you around here?" (1)

Piotr took his helmet off and gave her a funny look. "Are you talking to me?"

"You see any other hunky guys on bikes around here?"

He looked around, as though looking for whoever she was referring to. When it became apparent that there was no one else around, he adopted a very official pose.

"I am here to join the X-Men," he said thickly. "May I see Professor Xavier, please?"

"Once he gets back, sure." She grabbed his enormous hand in both of hers and dragged him toward the mansion. "C'mon, I'll take you to see Storm. She'll help you get settled in while you wait for the Professor to come back."

They ran into Kitty on their way into the mansion. Piotr looked rather pleased to see her.

"Check it out, Kitty, big and pretty here wants to join the X-Men."

"Hello, Kisa."

Kitty, for her part, blushed. Tabby let go of Piotr's hand in favor of grabbing Kitty's and dragging her away.

"Stay there, Rasputin," she ordered. Kitty looked at her glaring housemate in surprise.

"Tabby, wha-?"

"Look, Pryde," she began. "I can totally see where you're coming from here cause I mean, tall-dark-and-metal over there is way hotter-"

"Huh?"

"-though I suppose I could be biased and all, cause Lance is like my brother or my weird cousin or something-"

"What?"

"-but none of that matters cause the point _is_, if you're going to go making moves on Rasputin over there then you gotta let my boy go before someone gets hurt by all this."

"Wait, what?"

"I'm _saying_, you're gonna put the moves on one, or the other, but you're not gonna string them both along. Either you let Lance off the hook, or you stick with him and leave that hunk of man over there to the rest of us. Guess which one I would prefer?"

"The one where you get to salivate over Piotr?"

"Well, yeah, but not just because I want to squeeze that perfect butt of his." There was a pause as they both turned to look at said perfect butt. Piotr gave them a quizzical stare. They turned away. "It's also because Lance is my boy, and as much as I like to tease him, I don't like seeing him get hurt. You dig?"

"Well, I get what you're saying, Tabby, but I just don't get why. Piotr and I are just friends."

Tabby punched her. Hard enough to bruise, on the shoulder. She yelped.

"What was _that _for?"

"For being an oblivious she-witch. Hey Rasputin!" She ran over and looped an arm through Piotr's. "C'mon, Storm's probably in the garden."

"What was-?"

"Don't worry about it."

Piotr shook his head. "Are all girls this crazy?" he asked. "Or is it simply the ones I know?"

**o/o/o**

Morning in the Brotherhood house dawned on Freddy and Toad sobbing together on the couch, with Wanda on the chair and looking like she was trying not to cry herself. Pietro leaned on the doorjamb, looking perplexed.

"What is wrong with you people?" He said. "You're sobbing over Saturday morning cartoons!"

"But Perry and Doof just broke up and now they're sad!" Toad blubbed. "It's so emotional!"

He and Freddy burst into a fresh wave of tears. Wanda's lip wibbled imperceptibly. Pietro's face got acquainted with his palm.

"Uh, guys? Aren't we all forgetting about something?" A sea of blank stares. "Uh, you know, that little thing about Mystique getting kidnapped? She still hasn't made it back which means she probably hasn't managed to escape yet." More blank stares. 'My Nemesis' played in the background. "That's kindof a _bad _thing."

They continued to stare blankly. Toad glanced at the TV and grinned. "Hey look!" He pointed. "Doof and Peter just got into a fight! I knew Doof didn't hate that trollop panda the way he hates Perry!" (2)

Pietro's face, meet wall. Hello wall, fancy seeing you here.

Lance chuckled. He'd already seen that episode and was thus less emotionally invested, so he'd decided to finger through a new piece on his guitar (silently, because the last time he'd tried playing while Wanda was watching something he'd had to buy a new guitar). He'd stopped when Pietro had started in about Mystique.

"Relax, Pietro," he said. "This is Mystique we're talking about. She broke out of Area 51 without help. No way some little Sabretooth spawn is going to get the best of her. She's probably still there because she's too busy playing mommy or something."

"Yeah, maybe you're right," Pietro said. He sat rather heavily in the chair beside Lance's. "I just can't scratch the feeling that right now she's being tortured or something."

**o/o/o**

"_Staring into his eyes always made me feel extraordinary — sort of like my bones were turning spongy. I was also a little lightheaded, but that could have been because I'd forgotten to keep breathing. Again_." (3)

"Okay, okay, I give!" Mystique squirmed around in her chair as much as her bindings would permit, trying desperately to get away from the words her son was reading. "I'll call them, just stop reading!" He snapped the book closed. "Honestly, how can you stand to read such garbage?"

"I like them," he said. She would have sworn he was pouting.

Her head dropped as low as it could get. "Your father did a very poor job with you, didn't he?" A sigh. "Just bring me the phone. I'll call them. Just don't start reading again."

Graydon brought the phone over and dialed the number she called out to him. He held the phone up to her ear for her. She didn't have long to wait for someone to answer the phone.

"Yo?"

"Todd, what have you been told about answering the phone like that? I know both Magneto and I have asked you to stop."

"Uh, yeah, sure thing boss-lady. Whatever." He was silent. "So uh. What's up?"

"Hm. I see you're all worried about my disappearance. Nice of you to care."

"Oh. That. Yeah, we figured you were just playing mommy or something."

Mystique somehow managed to convey a perfect facepalm despite having her hands tied up. It was very impressive. Too bad Todd couldn't see it, and Graydon was completely unappreciative. What a waste.

Anyway!

"So if you would, I'd appreciate a rescue."

"But, I don't wanna take on the Friends of Humanity. They got guns, yo. Anyway, why don't you get your kids to do it? You're their mom, tell 'em you'll ground them or something."

"I would, but I don't have custody of them. _You_, on the other hand, I do have custody of. So save me or you're grounded. Understand?"

"Aww, _maaaan_. Fiiiine."

"Good. Now listen closely because this is how you're going to do it."

Graydon hung up the phone as soon as she'd finished giving them their instructions.

"Now that wasn't so hard, was it?"

**o/o/o**

X23- or just X, as she'd been calling herself lately- was trying to have a peaceful day. She'd spent the morning swimming in the river near the cave she'd made home, and was now sun-drying in a tree.

_/It's nice, this relaxing thing/_, she thought. /_I should do this more often./_

She was entertaining the thought of maybe going for a nice walk along the cliff-face when a pair of large hairy arms wrapped around her from behind. She struggled against the figure, but he was strong, and he kept her arms pinned tightly against her side.

"Look what we caught, boys," said an Australian accent somewhere below her. "It's a mini-Wolverine!"

She squirmed and struggled, trying to escape. Her claws were useless with her arms pinned and she couldn't manage to break her captor's grip. The voice spoke again, this time soothing.

"Now, now, love," he said. "The more you struggle, the tighter he holds. Now, just hold still. Our boss wants a word with you, is all."

"I don't think so," she said angrily. She flailed a bit more and her foot connected with- well, anyway, her foot made contact. Her assailant dropped her with a wheeze. She hit the ground running, and didn't bother looking back. She could just hear them talking as she made it into the distance.

"Oh well," the Australian said to his companions. "We'll catch her."

"Easy for you to say," grunted the hairy one who'd held her. "She didn't kick _you_."

**o/o/o**

Lorna pulled her knees to her chest and looked over to Magneto.

"Do you _really _think they'll like me?"

"Well..." He stopped to consider his answer. When he finally spoke, it was slowly, as though he were choosing his words carefully. "I'm sure they'll get used to you. To be honest, they're not very fond of each other, but that could simply be a twin thing." He put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Do not worry, Lorna. If they will be angry at anyone, it will be me."

"Okay." She relaxed a little. "I've never had siblings before. It's always just been mom and me. What are they like?"

"Like?" He frowned. "Well, you'll meet them soon enough. It's much easier than explaining."

They pulled up to an old, falling-apart house only a few minutes later. A group of teenagers were heading to a jeep parked out front. A tall boy with white hair spotted Magneto first. He skidded over to the car in a teal blur.

"Whoa, heyDadwhat'sup? New teammate? Awesome, themorethemerrier!" He grabbed her hand in both of his and shook it. "I'm thegreatPietroMaximoff. Niceto meetyou."

"Um. Hi." She gave Magneto a nervous sidelong look. "Is he always like this?"

"More or less. Pietro, I need to speak with you. Wanda too, where is she?"

"Inthehouse, beingmoody. Wantme to gether?" He zipped into the house, and returned a moment later with a very cross looking girl. She struggled out of his grip.

"I told you to quit doing that," she said. "I can move perfectly well on my own."

"But you're too slow! Anyway, Dad wantsa word. Well Dad?"

They both stared expectantly. Magneto wanted to fidget. It was the most nervous he'd been since Mastermind accidentally turned Wanda's memories back on.

"You see, children... Hmm... maybe I should back up." He took a deep breath. "When you two were infants, after your mother had passed, I was very lonely and decided to try dating again. That didn't work out so well, and I eventually decided to try for world domination instead, but before then, I spent some time dating this woman named Sally Dane. You won't likely remember her, you were just babies at the time and I didn't bring my lady friends home too often. We were together for a few months before she broke things off and I never heard from her again." He shoved Lorna toward them. "This is Lorna Dane, her daughter. She's also my daughter. Congratulations, you have a sister! Well, I'll leave you kids to bond, I'll be back in a few hours!"

And with a wave, he floated off into the sky before anyone could react. They stared after him, until he was just a speck against the clouds. Wanda slowly lowered her gaze to Lorna. Pietro followed suit. Lorna met their twin gazes nervously.

"I just found out last night," she said. "I was as shocked as you are."

The twins exchanged a look. Pietro shrugged. "Meh. Weknew Dad had been aroundtheblock a bit. Mystique's toldus stories, youknow? She always gotstuck babysitting and boooooy, didshe have opinions! We figured we had siblings somewhere."

Wanda elbowed him. "What my brother _means _to say is, welcome to the family. I'm Wanda. Don't mess with me when I'm in a bad mood, and you'll be fine." She glanced at the house and then added, "And don't think just because we're sisters means you can borrow my clothes or that we're going to share a room or anything."

Lorna gave Wanda a once-over and smiled. "Don't worry! I don't think we wear the same kinds of clothes anyway." A second look. "And I think you're bigger than me, so I wouldn't even fit them. Besides," she added. "I live in Hawaii with my mom. I'm only here on vacation, and I'm staying at the Institute while I'm here. So it's not like I would need to anyway."

Wanda frowned. "Wow. I've known you for five minutes and you've already annoyed me." She grabbed Pietro and dragged him toward the jeep. "C'mon, Pietro, we have a rescue mission to mount."

As they pulled out of the driveway, Lance adjusted his wing mirror so he could get a look at the girl standing forlornly in their yard.

"So who's the girl, anyway?" he asked. "New recruit?"

"New sister."

"Oh. Wait, what?"

"Don'task."

Freddy twisted around in his seat to look at her. "You know, she's kinda cute."

"Donteven _think _aboutit, Blob. That's my _sister _we'retalkingabout."

Wanda crossed her arms and glared at Pietro.

"Why haven't you tried to put _him _off of _me _yet, Pietro?" She indicated Toad. "I was your sister way before _she _was."

"Yeah, but you'reolderthanme," he said. "Besides, you were sobusy tryingtokill him that you forgottotry to killus."

"Dude!"

"Sorryman, youwerea good distraction."

Todd sulked down in his seat. "Thanks a lot."

**o/o/o**

Lorna sighed and sat down on the steps of the house. Her exciting first meeting with her siblings had ended badly, and now she was alone at a dump of a house that should have long since been condemned. She sighed harder. Hopefully someone would turn up eventually.

**o/o/o**

"Wake up, Cain."

The man called Cain Marko, known to all he met as the Unstoppable Juggernaut, stirred from the sleep that he'd been forced into. He tried to move, to do something to fight the restraints that held him, to no avail. Around him, the fluid that kept him in stasis dissipated until it came only up to his neck. Feeling returned to his head, at least. He opened his eyes. There was a man standing in front of him, a very smug smile on his pale face.

"Hello there."

"Who are you?"

"For the moment, you may refer to me as Dr. Essex. I have a deal for you."

"Don't you know who I am? I'm the Juggernaut, bitch. I don't make deals."

Dr. Essex looked bored. "So I'd heard. But I think you'll like this one. You get something you want, and in return I get something I want."

Cain was silent. He considered the situation. Essex likely wanted him to do something for him, retrieve something, and was offering his freedom in return. Well, it wouldn't be the first time he'd reneged on a deal. He made some indication of shrugging, as best he could with his shoulders down in stasis.

"Start talking, Essex."

"For starters, I can finish releasing you from stasis and take you to a mere mile from your brother's estate. I'm sure you could manage the trip on your own, but, well, why waste time? Secondly, once you're there, you will be free to break and destroy as much of the estate and surrounding area as you like. In fact, what you do is your own business. You could run amok, run away to the circus, even run for president for all I care. You just have to do one thing for me."

"And that is?"

A slow, evil smile spread across Essex's face. "Just a small favor... I'm sure it won't be any trouble for you."

**o/o/o**

**Looks like things are starting to make a bit more sense. Woo?**

**(1)- **_**Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secure**_**, by the Arctic Monkeys**

**(2)- From **_**Phineas and Ferb**_**, (c)Dan and Swampy. (As a side note, if that episode didn't make you cry the first time, then you **_**have no heart**_**.)**

**(3)- **_**Eclipse**_**, by S. Meyer. Mystique's got nerves of steel; I would have crumbled on the first page of book one. (And oh, watch the hate-flames pour in for that bit.)**

**So my gold account on X-Box live ran out the other day and the friend that usually renews it for me said he's not going to until I finish this. So no Halo for Bubbles till the fic is over. How's that for incentive?**


End file.
